The Center for Brain Training, which provides training and consultancy services, organizes workshops on the mistakes we make as parents and being the right parent. Psychologist Ayben Ertem, He weighs the concept of “the right parent ine. www.beyningucu.com.t isParent's role in the child's future
The most important variable in the child's life is their parents. The effects of the parent can be traced on the child's intelligence and educational achievement as well as on health, behavior and social well-being. Long-term group studies show that the parental impact lasts for life and affects the child's future health and social well-being as well as the way the child works. Most importantly, the “success ebeveyn of the parent also affects subsequent generations, because the way you grow up with a parent determines how you become a parent.
One of the famous psychology professors, Dr. Ance Good parenting nurtures empathy, honesty, self-esteem, will, humanity, cooperation, joy. It also enhances intellectual curiosity, motivation and desire to succeed. Anxiety, depression, eating disorder, alcohol and drug addiction can prevent the emergence of antisocial behavior in children. ”
How should we behave?
Many parents try to practice what they see from their parents, which often means violent discipline. On the contrary, there are parents who are raised by their own parents with violent discipline and do not put any rules on their child because they do not want to make the same mistake.
Parents' relationship with the child is directly reflected in the child's behavior. This includes behavioral disorders. If you do not communicate well, your child will not listen to you. If we give an example through the relationship of two adults: We trust more people we communicate well, give importance to their ideas, listen to them. But we ignore, or even ignore, the ideas of people we don't like and disrespect. The relationship between the child and the adult parent is exactly the same.
Contrary to popular belief, showing love does not spoil the child. Show your love as often as possible; touch your child, hug him, tell him you love him; Embrace him. The child is spoiled as soon as you start replacing love and care with other things. For example, behaviors like giving too much tolerance, not giving rules, giving gifts continuously affect the child negatively.
Be absolutely involved in your child's life. This may mean re-setting your priorities and reorganizing your life accordingly, sacrificing certain things. It is very important to be with the child both physically and mentally. Of course, being with you is not doing your homework or checking.
Keep track of your child's development, review their needs for age, observe changes, learn how to behave. Parents should always follow the change in their child's behavior and, if necessary, seek help from an expert.
The child should never be beaten, even a spanking in the butt is not correct. Everything you do and say is important, because the child always watches you and records it in your mind as if it were recorded on a video camera. Studies have shown that beaten children are aggressive, tend to intervene in other children's beatings or fighting, and resort to aggression to solve their problems.
Importance of rules
Parenting is the most important and most difficult part for most people to determine the rules and apply them. Setting limits to the child, teaching him that he may not be able to achieve whatever he wants, enables the child to develop his or her ability to control himself.
The work does not end with rules, but also needs to be consistent. You should react differently and react differently to similar events; Failure to follow the rules you set or act flexibly may result in inappropriate behavior in your child. Because he gets confused. Identify and change situations in which he cannot discuss or negotiate with you. If you achieve authority through wisdom rather than brute force, it will be much less opposed to you.
If your child does not follow the rules, you may feel trapped in a corner. Then use the reward-penalty method. The most commonly used punishment method is to take a break to think. The aim is to have him question why he has received this penalty without being busy with anything in his room during that time period, determined in proportion to his age (5 years = 5 minutes). To deprive him of something he likes (except food) for a certain period of time is also among the methods of punishment. But in doing so, it is very important that you determine the time and explain why you are punishing it. For example, instead of saying “Computer is forbidden to you”, it is better to say “You will not play computer for three days undan.
Not giving food cannot be a punishment. However, if you want to eat a meal you put in front of another meal, you can not make or take another meal, everyone eat this meal, it should be right to say that it should eat.
You can use rewarding to encourage your child to behave well. Studies show that the reward method is especially effective on preschool children. Because punishment for a five-year-old child is more complicated than the reward. Therefore, choose to reward as soon as you realize your expectations.
Finally, respect your child and listen to him. Look into your eyes while you listen, hear what you say. Speak to him in gentle language without scolding and shouting. Remember, the more you speak to him, the better you listen to him, the more he will listen and respect others.